Bombshell Lolita

Posts Tagged ‘friend’

Sorry I haven’t written in a while.  I have been a bit depressed lately.

Usually I try to write a post that people will learn something from, but this is going to be a vent/ life post, if that’s all right.

I am so beyond done with this year, it’s not even funny.  Having been dealing with my sister’s re-diagnosis for cancer at the end of last year, having to be away from my husband for seven months with a few visits in between while I’m helping out my family deal with chemo and hospitals, and being so drained (especially all-the-sudden lately) has taken its toll.

To quote Marilyn Monroe, I feel like I keep getting, “the fuzzy end of the lollipop.”  Does anyone feel like their life seems constantly on hold, like you’re not anywhere close to where you thought you would be seven years ago?

And then to add insult to injury, even the “little” things I have been looking forward to seem to be a constant disappointment.  My sister is completely obsessed with makeup, even more than I am, and we went to Sephora to try the new Temptu system, which she really wanted to get.

DISAPPOINTMENT!  It looked horrible on her and made her skin look bad.

We went to “Burlesque” the other day, thinking the movie would be fab.

DISAPPOINTMENT!  Almost-plots are never a good thing.

I bought some really expensive clip-in hair extensions because I am sick to death of my short hair, only to realize that because my hair is so short, I needed to buy two packages.  Now I realize I should have sprung for REALLY expensive hair extensions (like Head Kandy), but it’s too late now, and Sally Beauty Supply doesn’t accept returns on hair extensions.

DISAPPOINTMENT!

Obviously, those things are total frivolous, but it’s sometimes the small things that make life great, and those and other small things in my life seem to a constant disappointment.

My sister, husband, family, and I are all Christians.  Some people expect Christians to always be these happy, phony people who live in La-La Land and not the real world.  Completely not the case.  And God doesn’t give us a free hand, either.  One of my amazing friends told my sister while she lay sick in the hospital that God feels pain, too, and we can experience God’s love but always experience His pain.  People only like to have good things happen in life, but without the bad, why would we even need God to depend on?  What test would that be?  God is pained, and sometimes deep, deep pain and going through that is the only way we can know God a little more.

No one wants to be inspired by someone who has it all and keeps having it all.  People are inspired by the Under Dog who still makes it despite everything that happened to them.  I feel like my family is caught in this dead end storm, but even storms do end.  I pray that next year is just better overall.  I want good things to happen for my family and friends who have been hit hard this year with sickness, death, and money problems. *Queue cheesy “This is My Christmas List” song in background.  I don’t even know who sings that!  It’s so bad, but so apropo right now.*

So what are you guys looking forward to being over with this year?  What are your New Year’s Resolutions?  I always feel better if when I am depressed, I end on a happier note, and lists and goals are always such an uplifting thing.

Mine are:

1.  Finish up with school online.  I am almost done with my schooling!!  I REALLY need to finish it.  I studied court reporting in school, I have passed half of my tests and need to pass two more to become a certified shorthand reporter.

2.  Pay off debt!  I bought Gail Vaz-Oxlade’s “Debt-Free Forever” book, and it is great.  She is the host of “‘Til Debt Do Us Part” and is a true genius of telling you exactly what you need to do to get out of debt in X amount of years.  I’ll do a review later on it.

I also need to STOP BUYING STUFF.  I have realized I have two extremes, shopping and eating.  I will either be exercising, looking good and wanting to feed my need of something, so I will want to shop, or I will want to celebrate and eat something.  Both of these also work when I am depressed, unfortunately.

3.  Keep up with Tracy Anderson.  Okay, guys, I have to admit, I have slacked off a bit after the Bootcamp and have had a lot of Eggnog, like, A LOT.  I honestly have no idea how I did her workout during TWO stays in the hospital, because this last time my sis was in, I only worked out two times.  And I already miss it a lot, and I miss her meals.  But I want to keep it up because I love the results I have and I love the way I feel.  So to get back into it feet first!   I am not waiting until the New Year for this, though, I just need to kick my own bottom a bit and start TODAY, which is my plan.

4.  Finish designing for my line.  I am in the sloooooooow process of getting a purse line (hopefully clothes to follow) out and I need to finish it.  Once my sister is better and I get to go back home, I would like to get my Associates in Fashion Design!

5.  Organize.  I need to get my house in order big time.

6.  Time management.  I really need to get more on a set schedule in my life.  I want to get up early, do my workouts in the morning before work, and just get more organized in that area.  I think I waste too much time on Facebook sometimes.  :p

7.  Toxic Relationship.  I have a friendship that I was finally able to end, and I hope it lasts now!!

And those are my goals.  I think they are doable.  What about you guys?  What are your goals?  Thanks for listening.  <3